This was a long week for Jordon. He got his chemo a week ago on Wednesday. It was five hours long and took a toll on him like nothing I have ever seen. He just slept and slept, did a quick thing with CBC, and slept some more. He couldn’t physically get out of bed or off the sofa. He stumbled, he fell, he was week and for the first time, he was scared. The other night after finally getting the dog into a place where they were both comfortable, I asked him what he thinking. He replied, “I am wondering if this is what dying feels like.” I just held him.
Part of the problem is that the steroids they were giving him were weakening his immune system so they took him off them. The reality is that he needed them to allow him to function. Now they are gone. What one doctor told him is that with cancer, you fix one problem, you create another.
It’s the first time I have questioned Jordon’s ability to fight through the chemo and fight the cancer. Last weekend we drove to Spiritwood and took the scenic route through the THickwood Hills and Rabbit Lake on the way home. The drive to Spiritwood, plus the worship service with Lakeland Community Church and the drive home left Jordon in excruciating pain and just physically and mentally exhausted. On one hand Jordon wants to see people on the other hand, he is pushing himself really, really hard and paying a horrible price.
So tonight he made it half way through the first half of the University of Saskatchewan football game, a game he had been looking forward to for weeks and said, “I need to go home.” On the way to the car, he started to vomit and could barely walk by the time I got him into the car. He had thrown up several times on himself last week and was humiliated by it each time. He keeps saying, “I can’t accept this as the new normal.”
Tomorrow we are getting up early and going to Edmonton. It will possibly be our last family trip. Jordon is going to drive to Lloydminster and then Mark and I will take over. We are seeing his father for dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory in West Edmonton Mall and then watching the Edmonton Eskimos play the Winnipeg Blue Bombers compliments of Lloyd. Then on Sunday we will spend some time in the Mall. Jordon is going to pace himself with coffee shop and chair visits but I think the end result will be a nap at the hotel. Mark wants to see Kingsmen and Oliver wants to see the Ninjago movie. I am assuming Jordon will nap then. After a trip to MEC and Ikea, then it will be back home on Monday.